Hard(to find)ware

You ever try to find these at Lowe's or Home Depot?

I can't, and neither could they. There used to be a whole display of these things there and now they are gone. I asked a few of the employees if they had seen any and what I got was a blank stare from the young kid, a look of faked concern from the girl, and a wish to find a hidey hole for a nap by the over 50 guy. They really know nothing about hardware, but they do have vests.  What's with the vests? I never wore a vest at any time of my life let alone when I was hammering, drilling, sawing or screwing. Oh wait, I wore one in Cub Scouts. I quit that when I moved up to Webelow. The name was just too stupid to endure. You can still come across some very helpful employees at these big box stores, like the kid at home depot that wants to help everyone all the time, even outside his department. How the hell can I tear open a bag to try a part when this kid is always around? Go away!

I have a 1 inch sink drain that requires water to flow down and out a 3/4 inch seacock. I had to buy a section of 1 inch hose and a 1 to 3/4 inch reducer. Both stores and two hours later the red vests came up with this:

4 pvc parts to make a reducer. 8 inches long.

I enjoyed my time in stupidville, but I was there too long. Basically I was beaten down by over friendly people to the point where I just accepted what they came up with. I smiled, said thanks and let them walk away satisfied with thinking they helped the little guy who talks fast. What has happened to me down here? Normally I would have told them to get lost, and drove around town until I found the right part, and if I didn't I would have sat in a pub and ordered one from Amazon. Down here everyone smiles and is all nice nice and I can't be myself. This is the second time I've walked out of a place with something I didn't want. A guy at West Marine talked me into an expensive jar of aluminum polish that I sort of knew wouldn't work for shit, and it didn't. If I was in the old west I'd be the guy buying all the elixirs and tonics to cure my lumbago. What is lumbago anyway?

"Waayull let's see what we can do for y'all and maybe we can come up with something that'll work. Going to get some rain. Hope ya got an umbrella with you. You sayin this is for your boat? A reducer is what ya'll need? Well we best find you something that'll work so you can get back out there. You look like you been on the water. What you catch'n these days?" 

I can't react to that other than to just smile and go along. I have to admit that it's damn more polite and easy going in the South, but sometimes I would like a little straight, to the point, no bullshit talk so I can get going. I know as much about fishing as I do know about flying a plane. I just want someplace for the toothpaste and spit to go other than the bottom of the cabinet so can we move along please?

I cashed out with the silly PVC parts, that I was not going to use.  I was driving and grumbling about how I lost my mind, when I realized that there is a small hardware store just down the street and across from the two giants. Ace apparently is the place as I found the reducers in a dusty bin in the back of the store after I fought my way through Santa's Workshop. Some guy asked if I found everything and I pointed to the two reducers and said "Finally, a hardware store! Thanks pal!" The guy was smiling like he just met an old friend.

The other guy at the checkout, who despite being surrounded by tinsel and reindeer was not very jolly, asked if I had found everything. "Yes I did thanks. Pretty damn festive in here."  Uh Huh, he replied with a groan. "Yeah well it's too friggin early if you ask me." I added. What was left of a smile vanished from his face and he said "No shit" and handed me a receipt. Finally, someone I can relate to.

Cheers!
P


Don't get me wrong, we love it down here. People are great. It's just taking me a while to adjust to the pace. Patience is not my middle name.