Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Rum Stupid

Every now and then yours truly does something stupid. Running a waste pump without opening the exit seacock was one recent blooper. A messy blooper. Sometimes the stupid is the result of ingesting brain toxins. Most of us ingest brain toxins like caffeine, sugar and beer. Some people ingest 150 Proof Grenadian "under the table" Rum with tree bark, seeds, herbs, possibly cannabis and other assorted goodness after climbing a steep hill in the jungle having only eaten a peanut butter sandwich the whole day. That idiot was me. I very seldom drink hard liquor for good reason but for lack of brains I got Rum Stupid.

Jab Jab Village was an event at a makeshift bar/eatery up in the hills. There was beer, rum, food, hiking, dancing, beer, rum.....

I love hiking so after a few beers and some snacks a group of us ventured into the jungle. We had guides. The guides pointed uphill. No shit dude, we're climbing up there? OK, let's go! We climbed. It took a while and it was a good workout. I was parched. I didn't bring water and that was dumb. The good news was there is refreshment at the top of the hill along with a great view. Awesome! Keep going!

After reaching the top we marvelled at the view and took pictures. I was sweaty, thirsty and hungry. The guides opened a bag and out of it came sandwiches? No. Bottled water? No. A jug of 150 proof rum with some nature floating in it? Yes. Shots all around but only some of us (RumDums) decided more was better. "C'mon Pauly have another. Be a man, have another!" Life was good. Pals hanging out in nature drinking island rum overlooking a splendid view. What could be better?

Floating on air. That would definitely be better.

It was time to go downhill for dinner at the Jab Jab Village. I started walking down the hill. Then I started floating. I floated upside down. It was amazing! I was floating down the hill man! How is this happening? Then a face appeared in front of me. Hey, I know that guy. Hi John! Is John floating too? Wait, why am I looking up at John? I heard voices. I saw hands. Magically I was transported to a table next to Debra. A Debra who was looking at me and shaking her head in a concerned and possibly scolding way. What just happened? How did I get here? I wasn't really floating was I?

People were asking me if I was OK. I think I said something but not sure if it made sense. I should just nod. Please God may all the camera batteries in the surrounding 2 miles be dead.

The only thing that was actually floating was my brain. My brain disconnected from my legs to conserve energy or to just be a prick and embarrass me into never doing it again. Lesson learned Mr. Brain. No more rum for me. At least not 150 Proof Grenadian Under The Table Rum with nature floating in it.

Hate to even say it but..

No alcohol for a week after that. Amazingly the next morning there was no hangover and I went on an island tour and had a real monkey on my back.

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