Friday, September 29, 2017

Things they never told us - Blogs Die and there will be Naked People

"I got up early today. I washed my face, had some tea and read a book. The rain stopped and we went someplace. See pics"

When you read something like that you know the blog is dead. The blogger has no will to type anything of any worth or interest to anyone. The comment section is dead aside for some Ad selling cream to boost your manhood. How does this happen? They were so interesting at one time? Well, as far as I can tell life for them has become routine and there isn't much to write home about. If you are sailing around the Islands for a few years the pictures become the same and the people and boats become the same. Pretty soon your blog posts all become the same.

"Here's a photo of the mango tree on the hill along the way to Customs for the third time. Here's me holding up a mango next to my big head. I have a different hat this year."

When it gets to this point and even your wife stops reading the blog then it might be time to sail someplace different or to maybe get out more and do some different things like visit another mango tree.

It's not a mango next to my big head but if you see this pic again
next season with a different shirt then the blog is dead.



I have seen many blogs fade away like this. Some blogs I used to follow are now years old and you wonder if they died or drowned. No, they just got bored telling you the same old shit all the time or they moved to facebook to post one picture and a few words. WELL, this will not happen here. Even if we, the crew of Kelly Nicole become too boring to write about I will just make shit up.

"As we teetered on the edge of the volcano after sneaking around the barriers I stopped to take a photo of our travelling companions who were excited to be reviving their blog with a volcano pic. Out of nowhere a goat came flying into my view and knocked Gregorio into the volcano! He clung to the edge on a branch coughing until one of his Keens started melting giving him the strength to pull himself up enough for us to grab him! The goat was lost in a quick puff of smoke and a final half bleat."

See how easy that was?

I hope it doesn't come to that (maybe it has). There is enough going on in this cruising life to at least entertain the few people that still have me in their feed reader. By the way, thanks for the comments and letting me know you are still here. The best blogs are the few you visit but really don't know why. It's like something bad you don't want to see but can't stop looking. This is that blog.

So now that you know I will be around for a while let's talk about naked people. I really just added "Naked People" to the title to get you to visit the blog one more time and I think it worked but now I am feeling a bit guilty about that little trick so let's do a few paragraphs related to full exposure cruising.

Before we cruised we experienced nakedness while sailing the Great Lakes. The French Canadians love to get naked and jump in the water. Great Lakes water is cold. Cold water has a negative affect on impressiveness. The people did not care. At first it was a shocking reaction on both parties. "Shit! This water is cold!" (Merde! Cette eau est froide!) and "Holy shit those people are naked!". You try not to stare but you do. Then they stare back. Then you look away. Then you see them in the bar. Awkward. Now we see so many people naked that it's to the point where I might say, "Balls overboard!" or "Floating wrinkles!" and no one really cares or looks and we carry on. Amazing what you get used to but you have to because there are so many naked people around.

As soon as we see a German flag arrive we know they will be naked as soon as the anchor is set. The French pour wine first, then get naked. Americans? They hardly ever take their shirts off let alone pants. I can't get into every nations full exposure habits when in harbour because I would get into trouble. You never know who's reading and I don't need boats sailing past KN mooning me or showing me their junk in retaliation. There are some highlights in Naked People sightings though that need to be mentioned.

One day working on the bow I heard splashing water and thought some fish was feeding alongside. No, it was a naked guy snorkeling past the boat. Startling image when you're not expecting it. Before I looked away he did a back stroke to say "Hello". Thanks pal. Awkward wave. He continued to swim alongside all the boats at anchor.

One calm morning I made some coffee and grabbed the tablet for some reading in the cockpit to watch the sun rise. I made myself comfortable and as I took the first sip my eyes met the eyes of a large older hairy dude on the stern of the boat next to us covered in soap and completely naked. I nodded "Good Morning" and then realized he was soaping his dong. Yes, he was actively and in my opinion enjoying too much the soaping of his dong. I spun around fast enough to spill some coffee and decided the sun rise was not that important today. He actually started singing softly as I started laughing quietly until I heard a big splash. Not wanting to stick around for the rinse and dry cycle I went below to get another cup.

The worst is when you drive by in the dinghy and slow down to say hello then realize too late that it's bath time. Sorry, have a nice day. Don't forget behind the ears.

I guess I didn't expect all these naked bodies next to us in these harbors. The large yacht full of naked super models has not shown up yet so I just ignore all the splashing, giggling and soap bubbles now. It's just become the normal with the exception of naked snorkeling. Some day I may join them (Deb says please no) and see what that freedom feels like in the water. For now I will keep my pants on and rest assured there will be no soapy dongs on our stern. No place to sit on our transom anyway.

Thanks for reading and hanging in there.
Cheers!
PJ

Guitar work continues. Sporadic at times but I see improvement. Not ready for public humiliation.

21 comments:

  1. I like the approach of making stuff up in a blog. Possibly because that's the approach I take. :-) Why let reality and facts get in the way of a good story.

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    1. I knew it! You guys aren't even on a boat are you? Good writing and Photoshop have us all fooled. Russians?

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  2. Sucked into to the post by the bait of naked people...

    I did laugh about you observation of the French having a glass of wine before taking off the clothes. So very true.

    Mark

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    1. Naked gets them every time. The French. They have earned my respect, unless their boat is dragging down on me while they are at dinner.

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  3. Okay, laughter with my morning coffee is the best thing ever! I haven't seen ANY naked people up here cruising, perhaps it's because we are all wimps. (Alaska) I haven't even put a naked toe in the water! All underwater maintenance is done by someone else in a full drysuit. Maybe we need to expand our horizons.

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    1. Wow. That's cold. I would start a see through line of fashionable dry suits. Alaska cruising would never be the same.

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  4. ha ha ha! I was reading along about nudity and thought, you should see the Germans! And then you wrote about naked Germans. :) We lived in Munich for several years and I've seen lots of naked Germans. :)

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    1. They just don't care. First opportunity and off with the clothing. What's funny is the loud, laughing way they enjoy it.

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  5. It wasn't so much the naked people who pulled me in, but the dying blogs. Then I stayed for the naked people after feeling relieved that you'd be around for awhile. Even when you make things up it's funnier than my real life. We haven't been cruising that long but already I'm at the point where I'm thinking, huh, why would I write about this? This day is just like yesterday with a different view and different animals. Maybe I need to start making shit up.

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    1. It's all true! Most of it :D
      Sometimes the best posts are when you have absolutely nothing to say. The mind goes to places it's never been and before long there is a whacky and strange blog post ready for psychoanalysis.

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  6. If you stop writing this blog..some morning when you least expect it, you will come up the companionway with a cup of coffee to enjoy the sunrise. On this particular morning though you will find me enjoying my cup of coffee enjoying your cockpit naked as a jaybird! I swear, so keep writing and save us both!!!

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    1. OMG I will post daily if it prevents THAT from happening :D

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  7. Funny you wrote this just now because I've been thinking about how so many blogs have died the Facebook death. It's really a shame that we've lost a decent enough attention span to both write and read in depth blog posts in favor of the a Facebook dash and die. At the very least don't give up the morning tea posts. I love them.

    Deb
    SV Kintala
    www.theretirementproject.blogspot.com

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    1. Not giving up, just re-evaluating what's fun. FB isn't fun anymore. I like staying in touch with family and friends but I don't need to see the politics and the hate. It's a daily downer.

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  8. Thank you for making me spit out my wine laughing so hard! But you are so right about the different nationalities! I was in St Lucia and the Germans were naked all of the time! You have to love them! They work hard as hell and play just as hard.
    Please never stop blogging, your posts are a welcome respit in this time of seemingly endless online anger!
    Thanks for sharing!
    - Lisa

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    1. Thank you. The online anger is out of control. Time to tune it out.

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  9. It has now become a common sight to us and doesn't seem out of the norm.

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    1. Same here, unless it's a naked German snorkeler.

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  10. "It's like something bad you don't want to see but can't stop looking. This is that blog."

    No, that is not this blog at all. Your humor continues to entertain. Thanks so much.
    If my blog ever got that ill, I'd euthanize it, but three years in I still (amazingly) have readers so I guess I'll keep blah, blah, blahging.

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