Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Last Entry - Good Bye

Well, that's it. It's been a fun ride, but all is lost at this point. Most of my friends have heard, but I'll post here anyway. We are out of sailing. Our lovely new boat will have to find new owners, once the soot is washed off her. All this is my fault. We had a fire in the boatyard. Kelly Nicole was spared, but some of the other boats around me are completely gone. In fact, ten of them are completely lost. Will Deb ever forgive me?

I took the day off to get some work done on the boat, and decided to make some lunch. Being the only one out there, I thought I would put on some tunes and do some cooking. The propane bottles were still on the boat, and were still full, and the grill was still there, so I went to the grocery and bought a few items. As you know, I have been a vegetarian for many years now. Well, sometimes, I get...I get, these cravings for meat you know, it's hard to go this long without it, and this time I broke down and fried up some bacon. I feel like a total shit, but it's the one meat I miss the most, and I just thought I would have a little to take the edge off. Bacon and eggs just seemed like the right thing at the time.

Deb was still working through the day, so I figured, why not. What I didn't figure on, was Deb taking a half day. She surprised me on the boat, while I had a piece of bacon in my mouth, air guitaring to VanHalen's running with the devil. I was so startled I jumped, and in my haste to cover up the porky evidence, I tipped the pan of grease on the hot grill top. The flames shot higher and higher and the oil splattered like napalm as I frantically looked for an extinguisher, but they were all stowed away for the winter, and the water at the marina wasn't turned on yet! I couldn't let it burn the deck, and Deb yelled get it off the boat, so I did. Problem is, it landed on the boat next to me, and their tarp caught fire. There was a lot of grease, as I consumed two whole packages. Their tarp roared like haedes, and shot to the heavens. I tried to cut off their tarp, but the flames kept us away. Soon another one shot up, then another. The crackling of the wood suppport frames was was so loud it drowned out Deb's crying. 
Thank God the wind was in our favor.

We made it away from the boats unharmed, but all ten are lost, just like my life from here on out. After the fire department put out the blaze, and we sat there stunned, Deb announced that she couldn't live with a pig eater anymore, and was staying with her mom for a while. I feel so so sad. All this loss...for a pigs ass. Goodbye to all of my loyal readers, all three of you. This Day, April First 2009


  1. I always pictured as more of a Meat Loaf - "Paradise By The Dashboard Lights", kind of guy.
    Van Halen? You're better than that!

  2. You ALMOST had me. ALMOST. My heart is beating again. Bad man! Bad!

  3. Ha. You made me hungry for bacon. Thanks for your blog posts 😁